INTERVIEW with Lawrence P. Mead, Part II

[The following is Part II of The New Elsewhere’s interview with Lawrence P. Mead, a former scientist working with certain aspects of the extraterrestrial presence on Earth, as well as “reverse engineering” technology. Mr. Mead expressed that I make clear that the name “Lawrence P. Mead” is a pseudonym for the convention of this writing. However, he is not, nor is he a “composite” of numerous people.]

JAP: So, you have seen this man shot, and you have had to change your pants. Please take it from there.

LPM: Well, I was somewhat apprehensive about returning to that particular place, but I did happen by it the next week. Needless to say, there was a new person working there.

JAP: Of course. Anything remarkable about this new person?

LPM: Well, yes. He was about 7 feet tall, rather broad shouldered and had the most astoundingly blond hair I’ve seen. Also, he had mesmerizing blue eyes.

JAP: Really. This must have struck you as deeply strange.

LPM: Yes, the hair did.

JAP: The hair.

LPM: Yes.

JAP: Why the hair and nothing else?

LPM: You see, my wife wanted a similar hair color but, at the time, didn’t know where to get that particular shade. I mean, it was so blond it was white.

JAP: I wasn’t aware you were married.

LPM: So white is was almost clear.

JAP: Back to your wife, Mr. Mead. I wasn’t aware that you were married.

LPM: Sorry?

JAP: I say, I wasn’t aware you were married.

LPM: Married? Oh, yes. I hadn’t been. I’d been given one.

JAP: “Given one”?

LPM: I’d been given a wife. To blend into the community.

JAP: (laughing) How nice! Did they give you a dog and cat, as well?

LPM: They were in the fridge.

JAP: I beg your pardon.

LPM: Getting back to the hangar, I decided not to go in that day. For one thing, they had clearly replaced the door. The door now was solid with a window in the middle, near the top, with – well, not bars – but a wire works within the glass. Not sure why they changed this.

JAP: Your dog and cat were in the…

LPM: But I did try to use the lavatory in an adjoining room, where I literally had to step over the alien corpses to get to the restroom door.

JAP: Now, let’s go back for a second…

LPM: The lavatory itself was rather nicely appointed and looked, again, very much like the room in which I was originally interviewed. It had this quite annoying anti-gravity aspect to it that was, shall I say, inconvenient at best. Particularly when I –

JAP: I’m sorry, hold on just a moment. You were in a bathroom that had anti-gravity effects?

LPM: Yes. And it was most puzzling that there was a control panel of some sort nearby, which I attempted to access.

JAP: And what happened?

LPM: I was looking for bathroom tissue.

JAP: And?

LPM: I didn’t find any.

JAP: I get that, but did anything else happen?

LPM: I’ll say. The room shook, as if stopping while it was in motion. I know that sounds silly.

JAP: What did you do, Mr. Mead?

LPM: Well, I got up and went out. And I was on Mars.

JAP: Mars?!
LPM: Or Schenectady.

JAP: Why Schenectady?

LPM: Well, this iguana standing nearby said I was in Schenectady. Kept saying it, really. Rather annoying, really.

JAP: An iguana.

LPM: Yes.

JAP: Lawrence P. Mead, it has truly been a pleasure speaking with you. Thank you so much for your time.

LPM: It was my pleasure.

[END INTEVIEW]